Samir: Pt 1
by Yani (Bahrain)
Samir was a year older than me. The most popular guy around, the most gifted athletically, the most attractive, the most everything, as far as I could tell.
Me? I may have been the most brain smart, but I never really felt all that popular, that well built, or all that attractive, although I did seem to have more than my share of friends. My crowd was just so different than Samir’s.
So it really made very little sense to me when Samir seemed to reach out to me. Especially since I didn’t even know that he had ever done that, with anyone. There were always more people around him than he could have known what to do with, even if he had wanted to.
So you can imagine my surprise when Samir bothered writing me a letter and quietly slipping it to me (had he ever done that before, to anyone?). Even more when I read it: “I have no idea what it seems I must have done wrong to you, but I apologize, and I would love to get to know you, if you can stop being mad at me, and even be your friend, if you might be willing.”
I would never be able to share that letter, with anyone. No one would believe Samir had written it. Even less so that he had written it to me. So despite feeling so far beneath him, I tried to reach out.
Somehow we quietly clicked, even if he was so surrounded with others begging for his time that I was still torn as to how and whether I would ever really fit in. But Samir did really seem to like me, and he did keep finding at least moments when we were together, in ways that somehow seemed closer than so much time he spent with all the others around him. Somehow I also became his girlfriend’s confidant (how was it he got her to reach out to me?), and even the confidant of others who believed they should be able to replace her.
And I also ended up helping him get through work, that he somehow seemed stuck on. It was basically a secret between us, which I was more than happy enough to keep. Throughout, I tried to touch him whenever I could. His back, his legs, his arms. Anywhere. And honestly, he never did anything that seemed to indicate my touching wasn’t more than just welcome.
Samir joked around so often. With everyone. It was a bit of him I kept trying to read, and really didn’t seem to very well. Somehow he knew that, almost as if it was secret number two we shared.
Sometimes the jokes were cool. Sometimes they almost seemed to be mean. People even seemed to like the mean ones directed towards them. Even as I kept trying to figure out how I would deal with it if it were directed my way. I wanted so much to be ready. But I really had so little confidence.
So when we were done working out one day, and Samir was still showering, I probably shouldn’t have been surprised when he started singing something about how it didn’t really matter to him if I wouldn’t suck his dick…
It was only him and me left in the shower room. I swear he wasn’t gay. And I didn’t think I was, either. But his singing pierced me so deeply I almost started crying somehow.
I wrapped my towel around me and went from my locker to where he was still singing in the shower. My heart almost stopped, but I had to try.
Samir looked at me and smiled, even as he continued to sing.
I had to: “Really? And what am I supposed to do, just drop my towel and kneel down at your feet and put your dick in my mouth, right here and now? And I suppose I’m also supposed to just swallow the soap all over your dick as I do it?”
I couldn’t believe I said it. Samir looked at me. I don’t think he could believe I said it either.
He rinsed the soap off, looking up at me as he did it. And I was too afraid to really notice, but it did seem like his cock was getting even bigger with each time he touched it. Damn. I didn’t even dare imagine how big it could get.
He turned the water off. I dropped my towel and went up to him and knelt on the shower floor. And now he really was hard, even as he ran his hand through my hair.
I had never done anything so gay in my whole life, but I wanted to be closer to him, any way possible. I knew he had sex with his girlfriend pretty regularly, and I imagined he must have been naturally pretty horny, but I didn’t really think he had done anything like that before either.
So there I was the inexperienced guy, once again, scared to death about where this might go.
Samir’s dick was huge, even soft. As he went hard I was scared yet again. But I kissed his huge cock like nothing I had ever kissed in my whole life.
And the crazy thing was almost as soon as his wet dickhead went into my mouth, Samir started cumming.
I was clueless as to what to do. But I wanted him. Whatever I could get. So I sucked him a bit deeper. Even as he came. Again and again, as he continued to rub his hand through my hair.
I swallowed. Even as I cried, I think mostly just afraid of where this might go.
I kept sucking and sucking. I closed my eyes. That really was his cock in my mouth. That was really his cum in my throat. And now both his hands were rubbing my head as he started going soft. Samir could tell I was breathing hard, as his hands hugged my head. Of course I wasn’t really paying attention, but he might have actually leaned over and kissed the top of my head.
I backed off. Samir reached out and helped me up. I started trying to say something. Samir stopped me, as he looked so deeply into my eyes. I had never known anyone who seemed to see so completely through me. He put his fingers to his lips, even as he wiped the tears from my left eye with his right hand.
I was still trying to catch my breath. Samir stared all the way through my soul.
I was so afraid, even as I knew he knew. I started to say “I love you.” His lips stopped me, as he kissed me so very gently.
I really couldn’t stop trying to catch my breath. Trying to figure out what had just happened.
So far Samir had been the one to be emotional toward me. I just buried my emotions, even as I feared he might know. He always seemed to know me better than I knew myself.
I was so afraid. “Don’t be mad at me. Please?”
Samir smiled. “Cute. How can anyone so smart be so stupid.” It wasn’t a question. He took his finger and wiped some cum off my lips. Then he wiped it on my tongue.
“Now let’s get dressed and get out of here.”
It seemed to me we were both very quiet as Samir drove me home, although it felt like my emotions were screaming somehow. When he pulled in my driveway, Samir looked at me. He could fuck me every time just looking into my eyes, no matter how much I wanted to pretend otherwise.
Just as I was getting out, Samir grabbed my leg: “Can you promise me something?”
Damn. Of course. Anything. My mind was in overdrive. I was the emotional one. Samir was the physical, non-caring one. Of course I would promise not to tell anyone. Not to tell his girlfriend. Not to pretend what had just happened was more than it was.
Anything. But all I could get out of my mouth was: “I’ll try.”
Samir smiled. I wasn’t sure I ever saw him smile that way to anyone else. Big massive smiles were his hallmark. Loud smiles. But this was such a small one. From both his mouth and eyes, it seemed, even if I wasn’t dumb enough to believe eyes could really twinkle.
“Promise me you won’t feel guilty.”
Fuck. Really? As if he hadn’t taken enough from me already in such a short time. I wanted it to be so much more simple. I didn’t want him to see through me so much. Could he really know that was how I would feel?
I looked at him. He knew he had just bred me. My heart. My mind. My soul. He didn’t even care if I didn’t say anything.
I tried to stop my heart from pounding. I would remember those words. Forever.
That evening I thought about calling my girlfriend. I couldn’t. I tried jerking off, of course thinking about Samir, but more vaguely rather than specifically about swallowing his cum, and especially not that little kiss. I couldn’t even get hard.
I always seemed to fall asleep easily. Just not that night. All I could think about was Samir. I wanted to make sure he knew what he was doing to me. I wanted to make sure he knew it was ok. I wanted him more than anything. And yet I didn’t really care at all. As long as he would at least talk to me. At least say hi to me.
Damn. I don’t think I had ever fallen to sleep crying in my whole life before.
The next morning there he was. Just like always. Maybe even more casual. As if nothing had happened, at all.
He looked at me. Then kept being casual. And when we started heading about our business, there it was: “You know you promised me.”
If I had had the courage, I would have gone down on him again, right there. I wanted to rape him with my eyes the way he raped me with his. No, no, no. I knew that wasn’t true. What I really wanted was even one more small little kiss. Even just one more.
I looked into his black eyes: “Thank you.”
I was surrendering to him. Even as he played around with almost everyone. And they all loved it. Somehow it never seemed to phase any of them. Just me.
When I saw his girlfriend that morning she was as nice as ever. Maybe even nicer. “Samir told me you were really helpful last night. Thanks. He’s lucky to have at least one really good friend.”
I tried my best not to wonder what that could possibly mean.
I couldn’t see my girlfriend. She would have to know I wasn’t in love with her at all, even though in actuality she was too worried about pleasing me to go that far. I was trying to control my emotions. Trying to get my brain to control my heart.